Be the person you needed when you were younger

Being a mum to seven (yes, seven: it’s complicated, sad in places, but it works and there’s never a dull moment), I see daily how our children benefit from the support and encouragement they have at home.

Not all children are so lucky; my own life wasn’t so neat and tidy either. Which is perhaps why this Ayesha A. Siddiqui quote resonates so powerfully with me.

It’s a quote I try to live up to. And along the way I’ve learnt that being the person you needed when you were younger isn’t always complicated or intense or even requiring that far a look back to the past.

For years, I resisted using my husband’s name on my business emails.

It seems strange to me in retrospect. Why would I do that? Yet the impulse to do so was strong: I felt that I wouldn’t be respected in the male-dominated world of engineering if I was seen as someone’s “wife”. As if, somehow, the fact we were a start-up family business lacked the gravitas necessary for a small start-up and challenger brand.

In 2004, I had walked away from a safe, successful blue-chip corporate career to plunge into the unknown. I started from scratch to build a new business with my partner and £900. Hydraulics was Mark’s area of expertise; his comfort zone – not mine.

Engineering is a complex, male-dominated industry. I knew nothing of it. So I hid myself in the background and relied on my gut instinct to create and build our brand, our proposition, our processes and operations and to drive forward our marketing and growth. I learnt that being out front and leading can be lonely, even in a family business. Having nobody to tell you what to do is, simultaneously, the best and the worst.

The business grew, we married, we brought up our blended family. And still I resisted adopting his name.

It wasn’t until 2017, when our small business, Hydraulics Online, won its first business award, that things began to change for me. I realised that my fears of how a husband and wife team in business might be perceived were unfounded. The support and recognition of others gave me the confidence to recognise that being a family business is not something to be ashamed of but, rather, something to be celebrated.

Sometimes, it just takes a few words of support from others to see something in a completely different way. Sometimes, it can be that easy to release someone from the fears that are holding them back – to clear a new way of working for them that will lead to greater happiness and success.

It’s a small example of why it matters; why I always strive to be the person I needed when I was younger – for my family, for my colleagues, for my mentees and for myself. In this work, too, there is never a dull moment; I think it’s a continuum for each of us – who and what we need is constantly evolving.

So, some questions for you to consider: Who did you need when you were younger? Who do you need now?